Winning vs Losing

I have to say I have never heard as many boos ever for a winner, than for yesterday's "undefeated" Floyd Mayweather.

It was so loud that you can hear it off the TV while he was being interviewed even with the limited audio picked up by the boom mic. It was so loud on social media, all over the world, that you can almost hear the crowd jeering in your ear.  It was surreal, to have a winner be booed for winning a title that by all technical accounts seem to have been his.

I am not a big boxing fan so I will not pretend to analyze or understand the points system that let Mayweather run away (pun intended of course) with it. All I know is that for all the money he has taken, for all that glittering fancy-title-weights under his belt, at the end of the day all we could hear were the loud Boos.

You can say that boxing is not a popularity contest, and so is life.  In life, bad guys who "don't do nothing" win... but win what exactly?

Maybe its time to ask - what was the prize anyway and to whom does it matter to?

I am not a boxing fan, but I am fan of Manny Pacquiao, and all the Manny Pacquiao's I know  -   those who come out fighting, those who won't back into a corner, those who don't try to earn petty points from someone who didn't know better,  those who can smile at their toughest opponent, those who still see life as only a game, those who can accept  and brush off defeat,  those who can sing, or at least try to,  those who would rather put on a great gig more than care so much about the money in the jar, those who look up to something bigger than themselves, those who inspire us to be better ...

because at the end of the day, I think those are the real people who matter, who deserve to be in the history books, even if they don't get written about, even if they lose.

If there's one thing I take away from the so-called Fight of the Century is that  - no amount of money can buy you Respect and Legacy. These are things that you EARN.

I just hope the Mayweathers of the world has picked up a thing or two from Pacman.




***


"Ngunit hindi nila kayang baliin ang iyong loob,
Ang pag-ibig na hawak moy' hindi malulubog
Lahat ng pera sa mundo, hindi kayang gawing ginto ang huwad na tao
ang mga tinig, palakas ng palakas..."

But they cannot break your spirit,
they cannot bring down the love you hold
all the money in world, 
cannot not turn an ordinary man to gold
the voices are getting louder and louder...

Baby it’s cold outside : How to Be Single during the Holidays

“Single. There’s a certain dignity to it”, goes a line from an old 90’s cult movie favorite, but this quote is especially challenged during the holidays, when the weather starts to drop, love is in the air again and you start to notice that snuggling in your comforter watching silly rom-com movies just doesn’t seem to be enough to compensate for the general lack of body warmth around you.

And if you’re Filipino, it’s the time of year when there’s no escaping the myriad of Christmas parties and family reunions that will lead you face to face to that 98% chance of being asked the dreaded holiday quiz - where is your significant other? Or when are you getting married?

It can come out loud from your old pesky uncle who has had way too many San Miguels, your very concerned Tita, or your recently married friend, or it can be a discreet look of pity from those who are already too embarrassed to ask you for the nth time (like your Mom) but make no mistake about it, will come.

The truth is whether it bothers you or not, whether you care enough to admit it, being on your own during coupledom’s peak season is not an easy task, but there is definitely a silver lining to it all and that is hindi ka nag-iisa gurl (or boy) !

There are plenty of certified SMP (Samahan ng mga Malalamig ang Pasko) members out there. We talked to some of our fabulous filipino singles on how they  cope with being on their own during the holidays.

Affected much?

Danabelle Gutierez,  a writer based in Dubai who recently published her collection of  love poems “I Long to Be the River” says that sometimes she feels she’s the last single person on earth, but other times it doesn’t matter.

I have been single for 11 Christmases. This Christmas would be the twelfth. Honestly there have been more Decembers where I don't even think about it. I mean, sure, it would be nice to drink hot chocolate, cuddle up next to someone by the fireplace in a log cabin, while it snows outside, but I live in Dubai so there’s a slim chance to that fantasy.

My best survival tip is to live your life, surround yourself with the best people, eat all the best food, and make good art. If you're a writer, write. If you're a painter, paint. Whatever medium it is that you use, just make good stuff, and keep doing it.”, adds Danabelle.

A self-confessed romantic,  Dubai-based marketing exec Kate Narvaez opens up on her holiday blues. “It bothers me sometimes spending weekend alone or going out to club / restaurants with friends and not have someone hold your had or dance with you, or just generally be cheesy with.  I’m used to being single, holidays or not, but I have to admit it would really be good to meet someone special, someone for keeps.”

Betsy Vergara, a Finance consultant based in New York shares that there are two sides to the coin, the best and worst part.

“One of the perks of being single during the holidays is the element of openness to spontaneity. If you are a willing subject, you never know what's in store for you during random invites to parties with other single friends. There's also that freedom of doing the things that YOU would feel like doing, no need to please others. You can have one year that crazy/busy/crawl back to your apartment tired and hung over, and the next year,  you can be a total hermit. You can do what your heart pleases.

The worst part is the constant reminder that you are not in a relationship. The Christmas events that are solely targeted for couples. Seeing coupledom PEAK everywhere esp. during the holidays, in the parks, restaurants, movies, media. I mean EVERYWHERE! 

Honestly we all have the tendency to crave affection from a beloved, but there’s no need to feel alone, as for me, I live in New York, where as they say “anything can happen”, so you never know, I’d rather enjoy and be optimistic, Betsy adds.

 Yvette Camba, a self-confessed scrooge who works for Emirates airline also shares the sentiment.   “I like the freedom and it doesn’t really bother me, but being surrounded by couples doing all sorts of PDA sometimes gets to you, I suppose they're entitled to that. For the most part its just irritating when you get asked all the time about “why are you single?”  like it’s not allowed, or it’s such a crime to be on your own. Otherwise I love December, the nice weather, the jolly vibe, minus the traffic and freakish consumerism, I enjoy the joie the vivre feeling it brings. ”

Fight for your right to party…

Jake Ofrasio, video editor and part-time model who has been single since he moved to the UAE says that he’s immune to all the holiday coupledom stress.

“I enjoy it (being single) to a certain degree, since you can do what you want and you don't have to consider anyone in making decisions. The best part would be the feeling of being free. I am not that bothered since I am not big on holidays to begin with. I try to be more outgoing, meet people or I take up a new hobby so I will be busy.”

Mackie Andres, a sound engineer based in Manila also tries to take it easy and gets by his single status through tounge-in-cheek jokes.

“How long have I been single ? As the Air Supply song goes: "All My Life...” i don't really enjoy it, but hey the best part is no drama, or course, there’s also no love! Haha. Anyway, look at all the food this Christmas!

If I could ask Santa for one thing this Christmas it would be for this girl I like who is now online on Facebook to stop ignoring me.  As much as I want to start a chat with her, I’m stopping myself because I know I will just be “seenzoned” , he says with a laugh.

Support groups and Shopping Priorities …

Chai Boiles, 38 who broke up last Christmas with a long-term partner opens up about celebrating this Christmas alone.

Do I enjoy it? Yes and no . Yes, kase may mga friends and sisters naman ako dito sa Dubai, so I have a good support group. The best part is that I don’t have to worry about buying a Christmas present for the boyfriend, tipid diba?  Of course, you also miss the tight hugs, nothing is better than having someone to hug during the cold months and if I can ask Santa for anything, I want a Husband!

Ella Sison a chef based in New Zealand shares the same sentiment on the relief of not having to think about presents.

“Sometimes kasi you feel that your “obligado” to give them nice expensive gifts during Christmas, at least now that I’m single I won’t need to think about it. The best part is being free from commitments but I have to admit there are nights of PMS or when you feel horny and you just allow yourself to wallow in the loneliness.”

The best survival tip is to keep yourself busy, be happy and love yourself even more. If you’re horny there’s plenty of dating apps you can check out. Of course its nice to have someone special, but at the moment I’d rather focus on my career more than anything else. “

Escaping the blues

If being Single means not being commited to anyone, happy traveler and now Boracay-based, Christine Consas shares her fair share of being alone. 

I have been single for 6 years and 10 Christmases, not counting my non-committal 2-year relationship.  I travelled with him first see how it goes and then I finally decided to go on my own, go home and pick up the pieces.

“It’s great to be home for the holidays, I’ve been away for so long that it feels good to be surrounded by happy people and people who love you, you realize there’s really no reason to despair, everything will fall into place at the right time.

Make up artist and Emirates staff Erl Daguplo who has been single for 5 years says that it takes a brave woman to suck it all in.

“I’m enjoying the independence, but “inggit” strikes when you see all these sweet couples. For me, I normally cope with the holiday blues by using my travel perks to backpack to a far away land and just get away from it all.”

While travelling may allow you to escape the hassle of dealing with the holiday blues, cabin crew Joanna Ardiente, who gets to fly all over the world for her job thinks its also what’s keeping her from not finding a stable relationship.

“For the most part i'm not that bothered to be single during holidays. This job has saved from heartaches and
going crazy but I must admit I do get a bit jealous, like when you gather up with friends, and you’re the only single person in the group there’s that moment when you start comparing yourself to them and thinking about how lucky they are while you sit there and wonder why you can’t I have the same thing?  Of course, you also start to realize that it’s better to stay single and wait for the right guy rather than just find someone less ideal to cozy up with, just because it’s the holidays.”

Wishing, waiting and choosing to be happy

Mykhel Reyes, IT professional based in Dubai is the single guy who doesn’t mind the wait.

I believe that in everything you do, you have to be intentional. During this holiday season, you can choose to be happily single, and you can also chose to love. For me, I found my perfect girl it’s been three years since I’ve known her. I’m holding out for her because I love her and when you love someone you don’t just stop. 

For the girls who are also in the waiting line, Mykhel has this to say –

“Remember you are WOW - Woman of Worth  - worth pursuing, worth caring for, worth the wait.” 

In the end, being single during the holidays is not so much about being alone as to opposed to feeling alone. Being alone may or may not be your choice but the truth is you really have no reason to feel alone.   

So chin up, put on that warm smile, face the Christmas music and get ready to give and receive a dozen holiday hugs from the people who thinks you are a wonderful adorable person, albeit still single.  

Survival Tips on Being Single during the Holidays :

1.     Bring a jacket.  Too cold outside? Going to simbang gabi? Be prepared. Sure it’s hard to hug yourself, but having a nice warm coat or cool hoodie helps to fight the cold and while you’re at it put on a lovely scarf too. The best way to stay single during  the holidays is to keep on being your fabulous self-sufficient best. 

2.     Say YES!  Dinner invitiations? Christmas parties? December weddings? Karaoke get-togethers? Highschool Reunions? Go ahead, say yes and fill up your calendar with all these fun activities with friends and loved ones.  As they say, if you can’t beat them join them and have loads of fun doing it!

3.     Give love, get love. The holidays is the time for giving, and paying it forward. If you have so much love to give, let it not be put to waste. Share your blessings with others,  pick out thoughtful gifts for friends and family,  volunteer for a cause, adopt a pet, there are plenty of people (and animals) in the world who would appreciate your TLC. Give wholeheartedly, without expectations, and you will find that truly giving is receiving.

4.     Indulge !  Treat yourself  to that nice big present, a watch, a perfume, a dress, a dayspa, a holiday, you’ve been working hard all year its time to

pamper yourself. No need to wait for a guy, or a girflfriend, or even Santa Claus. Go out there and get it for yourself, because , you know what honey, you can!

5.     Just Smile. Yes bring on the Julia Roberts 10,000 mega-watt smile whenever people ask you about your lack of significant other. Show them that you choose to be happy about it rather than sulk or complain. A smile is enough, a smile is your way of saying, “thank your for that very interesting question, and no I don’t really need to explain myself.” Just smile and let them feel awkward.

6.     Travel. If you have enough means to “get away from it all” and you’re not bothered by missing the noche Buena at home, go out there and see a bit more of the world. Of course, it can get lonely on the road, but if you’re the adventurous type, there’s nothing like travelling to open up yourself to a world of possibilities.

7.     Stay in and suck it. If you’re not the outdoor type, you are also allowed to stay in and wallow.  That’s the beauty of being single, you’re not obliged to do whatever you don’t feel like doing. Cook a great meal, cozy up to a good book or a watch a series of feel-good holiday movies. Bridget Jones, Serendipity, Amelie, Breakfast at Tifannys, there is a long list of great movies to keep you entertained, laugh, cry get crazy, your kingdom, your rules!

8.     Keep the Faith. Remember that Christmas is about peace, about hope and ultimately about love, the kind that perseveres, the kind that endures. Find peace in yourself and make peace with others.  Believe in the magic, for those who don’t believe in the magic will never find it.  Stay positive and awesome!

The Walking Dead

Last time I went home to the Philippines, I stumbled upon a couple of DVDs (all four seasons) of this famous Zombie apocalypse TV Series The Walking Dead lying around my brother’s room.  Since my bodyclock was still on Dubai time, I started watching it, and I just couldn’t stop.

This obsession though was different. I am not after blood and gore. I was never a big fan of zombies, let alone horror movies. So what was it about The Walking Dead that I found so engrossing?  Yes, there is this  archer dude called Daryll Dixon, but aside from him, there is something about the desperate need to survive, about fighting monsters everyday and beating the odds to live in a world that doesn’t make sense anymore – these are just some of the things that really resonate.

And what if World War 3 happens, civilization dies, the world you know is taken away from you?  Just as it is happening now in some countries. You don’t have to work for money, you don’t need a car, a house, you don’t need to study, you don’t have wi-fi, there are no nightclubs,  no alcohol,  no malls, no new movies, no airplanes, no laptops, no Iphone 6s,  no facebook statuses to update. What then ? What would you do?

The truth is we’ve all become so dependent of the superficial world, so much that most of us have numbed ourselves of reality.  

Dubai is a breeding ground for Zombies. People walking around, going to work daily from 9 to 6, waiting for the next paycheck, getting out of offices, drinking, partying, sleeping with strangers, eating excessive brunches, shopping, wasting away online, even travelling can sometimes be a form of escape. All measures being done to ensure we don’t confront harsh realities, like  the very real horrors of War in the Middle East, children dying in our neighbors – Gaza, Syria, Iraq, like the threat of Ebola, like the injustices happening daily around us, like being away from the ones we love,  or not having anyone to come home to, like the uncertainty of our futures, or being stuck at a dead end job not doing what you really want to do.

Maybe the idea of death on our heels, had me confronting issues about what I really want to do versus the fact that I don’ t have much time and we don’t really know what’s going to happen tomorrow.

Watching The Walking Dead made me realize that the best we can do with our limited time is to fight to stay human - sing a song, appreciate nature, adopt a pet, cook a meal, write, create art, smile, learn something new, educate somebody,  LOVE, or just actually allow yourself to FEEL something.

Maybe the whole point of being alive is to stay ALIVE, and to quote a line from one of my favorite characters, Beth,  “we all got work to do.” Let’s get to it.

Here's a clip from one my favorite episodes, and my favorite characters Beth and Daryll, where they hide in a funeral home after they almost lost everything  - 

Payola, Padulas, Pabaon, Para-paraan Pilipinas.

PR : “It is not what you say, but how you say it.”

I learned about the “real word” at an early age, and this has kept me away from any kind of career in broadcast journalism. Fresh out of college, I joined a fledging PR agency in Manila as a copywriter where I wrote about all kinds of stuff, mostly travel and lifestyle oriented.

Public Relations (PR) I soon learned was not an easy job, especially in the Philippines, where you have to deal with limited media outlets, and an elite circle of seasoned journos who has hogged the top slots for as long as they can.

Quickly I learned that its not enough to just to state the facts. Its not enough to send well-written press releases about interesting places and products.  I learned how to enhance a story and how a simple title can mean the difference between getting snubbed and getting published. I learned to be extremely patient, to wait on the phone, while my calls get transferred from one assistant to another.  I learned about the term VIP and VIP treatment.

I learned that in some cases, your best will not be enough, and that often times the bigger the editorial space you want, the bigger you might have to pay. Monetary or otherwise. I learned that this has always been the case.

I was introduced into the system and there was no turning back.  They say that the only thing true about the newspapers is the date. As I earned my first few paychecks on writing press releases, I also began to accept this cynicism.

I know for a fact that certain writers, columnists, or even high profile editors are open to do “favors”. Given that we are not dealing with hard news, I can only imagine what it would be like for those who actually did, those who had access to the front page, those who had the primetime news slots.

Payola: Pay to Play

From PR, I then moved on to a Record Label, where I soon learned about “Payola” .  Again I learned that this has always been the case. 

More often than not, it is not enough to just have a good song. It was PR all over again. You need to know the right people, you need this people to listen to you, and again you need to be patient enough to wait for them to reply, when they feel like it. It would help if you send them the occasional gifts – limited edition Artist merchandise, CDs, and of course the wine and dine factor. That’s all good, that’s all part of the job.

If you want more plays on a radio station, you just gotta have to be ready to pay the price.Sure there are organic hits, those that are lucky enough to hit the mainstream, but more often than not, we had to “push” it, and “pushing” requires all necessary efforts, monetary or otherwise. Anyway, one could argue that there is essentially nothing wrong in selling a product or in this case, a hit song, especially if its really good. 

Again, I find that music is a more subtle field, compared to hardcore entertainment, such as the local film industry. If you’ve ever been to a press junket of a local film, you will know how upfront these Entertainment writers can get. Sometimes they don’t even care to use an envelope. It was the norm. People just accepted that that’s just the way it is. 

Pampadulas, lagay, thank you note.

Mam, Ser....The VIP-Star treatment

The VIP culture also continued, and the VIP treatment was done not just with media but also with artists, celebrities that we had to take care of.  In the Philippines the stars are not just actors or singers, they all seem to live in some kind of pedestal and many have convinced themselves of it. Blessed are those, and there are still those, who are humble enough not to fit into this stereotype.

In my 5 years in the music label, I did my job quietly and never interfered with these local celebs, except on occasion. Maybe I’ve met a few who didn’t have that air of “entitlement”. Don’t get me wrong I respect them as artists, I am essentially after all, only a fan, and will forever remain a fan. Music is my soul food and I’m eternally for good music, but this sense of “entitlement”, this sense of VIP culture never sat well with me. Until one day, I just decided to leave the old scene.  Like that scene in my favorite movie Almost Famous - I chose Morroco.

Quitting the Game

As I look back in the years I’ve spent working in the Philippines, I've met the best and the worst kind of people. I remember a lot of good times, and many fun, challenging times, but also, having spent most of it in PR & Entertainment I realized that corruption is endemic, and it is everywhere. The system will not change until people stop playing along with it.  Until people stop accepting it as that's just the way it is. 

Perhaps my story is just small scale, but let me tell you this,  after all those years working in the “biz
 if I got any valuable lesson, is that never to trust the mainstream media. The game is always rigged, but you can always, at any given point, refuse to play. 

Don’t let these people bully you into buying in to the system. They are no better than you. Seek out the truth by reading about it and asking questions.  Find your own hits, find your own heroes. Do it yourself.  Do not just consume, but create. Share it with your friends.  This is the reason why I love Social Media. It gives us a voice, and lets us create and participate.

We all just have to be smart, stubborn and confident enough to say – You know what,  I don’t need your shit, thank you very much.