Define Love

 So its that day again in February, and normally, I would let this day go by like any other day, except that this time I’m around I feel the urge to finally discuss it.

LOVE.

Photo taken at Mt. Tapyas, Coron, Palawan, Philippines (while climbing 724 steps to the Summit) 

I have spent most of my younger days pining for it, and most of my adult life trying to understand it that being single and in my 30s, things do seem a lot clearer now, and I am finally getting a good grasp of this thing, of what this so-called madness is all about.

After millions of pop songs, chapters and volumes of books, short stories, poems, movies, TV series, and countless hours spent with friends whining, crying, ranting, gushing over, getting over guy after guy after guy, (or girl after girl –in the case of my male and lesbian friends).  I think I am finally getting the drift.

And its not about chocolates, chuahua dogs, Shakespeare sonnets, or silly love songs. I don’t believe that Cupid or his arrow has much to do with it.  

Its not about movie dates, or liking the same bands, or obsessing over the same hobbies.

Its not about wedding gowns, or romantic getaways, hell, its not even about marriage proposals or destiny, although a lot of people will probably contradict me for this.

Its not about French kisses or Sex, good or bad, long, short, hot, warm or lukewarm, although these could actually be grounds for divorce, and I do know how sex is a significant part of a relationship, but its just not LOVE.

I’ve seen Love. I’ve touched and felt it, I still believe in it, and What I know is this  -

That LOVE is a CHOICE. A choice you make everyday, a choice that keeps defining your relationship with another person who is important to you. And by important, I mean the one you’ve chosen to give that VIP badge or that backstage pass to your life to. The person you can be yourself with, no matter how difficult you or he/she can become. The one you would not think twice about growing old with.

After a certain age, you realize that its not just a matter of being there for someone anymore, but being there WHEN IT MATTERS. Being there when it is difficult. Being there despite of or inspite of. And being there, even when you can’t actually “be there”.

After a certain age, you realize that LOVE is not stupid or blind, that it is in fact the smartest thing, the missing piece, the answer to the big riddle.

It opens up a world of possibilities and wakes you up to the reality of how it made a great deal of sense to be with this person, or how sometimes it was really the only thing that made any kind of sense at all.

It is not complicated or mysterious, because if it is, then it isn’t Love just yet. Love is simple. Love is clear-cut. It tells you where you should be and where you want to be in the next 10, 20, 30 years or even the next 3minutes. 

 Love is dedication, Love is commitment, Love is responsibility.

It is often times setting aside your own personal needs to give someone the best of you and the best that you can offer, because you want them to become better people. This is exactly why my parents, despite their limited capacities chose to send us to good (expensive) schools.  This is exactly why Jesus chose to die a gory death. He loved us enough to want us to become better people. Simple as that.

Like when you say you love your job or whatever it is you do, whether you are salesman, an artist, a writer, a basketball player, you are committed to it, you will not let a slip up if you can help it, you will not stop until you get it right,  until you’ve done everything you could. Love doesn’t give up easily. Love works harder at it and finds a way to make it work.

Love is trust. Love is respect. Love is friendship.

Hachiko, the Akita dog who has a statue in Shibuya, Japan. He is  remembered for his remarkable loyalty to his owner, even many years after his owner's death.    

Think about your best buddy, your good trusted friend, the one you respect highly above all, would you cheat on her/him? Would you hit her/him?  Would you stop listening to them? Would you stop caring?

If you are a normal honest person who has genuine relationships you would try your best to never do anything to break a good friend’s trust, and you will always aspire to get their respect - that, my friend, is Love. 

Also, its important to remember, that Love is FREE and it is given in abundance. So never buy, ask, beg, borrow, or steal it. Hatred has its ifs and buts, Lust has its conditions. Love just gives. Give and receive it freely without pride, without hesitation, without money involved.

Love spotted on display at Opera Gallery, Dubai International Financial Center, on the eve of Valentines 2012

 Love is hope. Love is faith. Love is kindness.

It is having something or someone to hold on to when the road gets dark and slippery. It is believing that someone waits with open arms at the end of the road, the train station, the airport at 3am, or at the dinner table at home. It’s the sound of a tired sleepy voice still saying “hello”and asking- how was your day?” after you’ve kept them waiting on a long busy day.  It is the embrace of forgiveness. It is the Lighthouse. 

The giant Cross awaits and welcomes everyone at the summit of Mt. Tapyas, after 724 steps. Lighted up at night, it also serves as a ''lighthouse" so sailing ships (often  with tourists) can find their way back home. 

Life is tough, Relationships are hard but Love, when its real, it comes easy and It SAVES. 

So if you ever  find yourself struggling, choking, drowning in it with no one to save you, then maybe its time to reconsider your options. It doesn’t matter how brief or how long the affair is, it doesn’t matter how much you’ve got invested in, if it isn’t Saving you, or at least making an effort to, then maybe its not worth Saving, and maybe its time to move on and Love yourself a little a bit more. Remember that the choice is always yours to make.

Sure, there are instances that will make you think twice or thrice or a hundred times about loving someone, there will be unforeseen circumstances, force majure,  maybe the timing isn’t right, maybe you are caught unprepared, maybe there’s no easy way out of a situation, maybe he doesn’t have enough money, maybe his mom doesn’t like you, maybe she doesn't live in your city, maybe she smokes too much,  the maybes are endless...but going back to my first point, it is a CHOICE, and one that you''re gonna have to stand by and keep making. 

So this Valentines day, 

I wish you Love,

 which is to say -

I wish you the Courage to make your choices,

The Wisdom to make the –right-choices

the Strength to stick by your choices,

and above all, that you would find genuine, lasting HAPPINESS 

in all the choices you've made and continue to make.

I wish you Love.

Happy Valentines day!

Words and photos by Kristine Abante
(except for Hachiko Statue and Lloyd Dobbler from the movie Say Anything)
Illustrations from The Little Prince

Written in Dubai, UAE on the 10th February 2012