What does it mean to be independent? I find that my
definition of independence changes every decade.
When I was 10 , I learned to go to school and go back home
on my own. I mastered crossing the street, and taking the jeepney. I could find
my way home even without the school bus. In fact, I often tell the school bus
driver to go ahead without me, because I had stuff to do after school, like
hang-around at the library, or the Burger Machine at the corner, or my best
friends house that’s a block away from school.
Independence meant having those options. Technically I can go anywhere,
of course I was still not allowed to go anywhere, but at least now I did not
have to wait for anybody to pick me up from school and if I ever get lost, I
would know my way back home. It was, at the time, the meaning of Independence.
When I was 20, I got my first job as a copywriter in a small
start-up PR firm. I remember the day I got my first paycheck. It was literally
money in a brown envelope. I wasn’t much, but it was exhilarating to feel that
I was now capable of earning money for myself. That first pay check bought me
freedom. I did not have to wait for my parents to give allowance, I did not
have to wait for them to buy me a new pair of shoes, and even though I was
still living in their house and by their rules which meant that I was still
partly dependent on them, at least now, I didn’t have to ask them for money
whenever I want something or need to go somewhere. It was at the time, the meaning
of independence.
Now that I’m in my 30s, I realize meaning of Independence
has gone beyond simply providing for myself, or even taking care of
myself. Not only was I capable of buying
stuff that I want or travelling on my own, not only was I free to make my own
decisions, but I was also now capable
of sticking to my own decisions, whatever the consequences of those are.
Being single and in my 30s, independence meant having the courage
to be on your own, dealing with whatever
life brings and making the most of everyday. It can be this grand idea of being
in control of my own destiny, but sometimes it can also be very simple, like
being able to sit and enjoy a meal on my own without looking around and feeling
left out.
At this point I would say real
independence is being free from other people’s expectations, and working
instead to meet the expectations that I have set for myself. So I guess that’s what Independence is for me
, for now.
Ask me again when I’m 40.
