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(on the road, photo taken from my lomocam, march 2009)
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March 15 2009 --- I packed my bags and journeyed 4000 miles or so into the unknown. I just quit my job (which after almost 5 years became -quite literally- my life) two days back, left loving friends and family in a daze, that it all seemed unreal to me and to them. I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t that sad, or you know how it feels when you feel too much, you stop feeling anything that you just want it done and over with.
After few hours on the plane (and several glasses of white wine), I caught myself crying non-stop. As if I was grieving the loss of my old life, and the fact that It will be a very long year before I can ever see the people that I loved the most again, and even then I just know it will never be the same. So I cried my eyes out on the plane that by the time we landed I was somewhat relieved, cleansed by all things past and managed to find enough courage to move on to the next big adventure.
I am not gonna go into details of what happened next, but suffice to say that after 2 years of living here as an expat I have seen , done and gone through a lot things that I would probably never would have thought of if I was still in my sheltered cocoon in Manila. They’re not all good, they’re not all bad, but I am happy and proud to say that I have officially no regrets.
They say there is no better teacher than experience and I found this to be true in all aspects. Living in Dubai – 2 years and counting, is where I've learned some of the most important life lessons :
1. To be a woman, realize what it really means , and learn what it takes to be one. It is tough to be a woman in a country where people have a different view of women in general , Asians & Filipinas in particular. I have said this before, and I'lll say it again, I have met so many fascinating, inspiring, strong, independent, talented beautiful (inside out) pinays out here, that knowing them actually made me a better person. Their lives, their experiences....I have just met a woman who at 37 has been jailed in Saudi, almost died in drunken car accident in Dubai, her sea sailing husband has left her with 2 kids and no kind of support, yet she surfaced strong and vibrant with a cute flower tattoo on her knee to show, and that’s just one person. If after 2 years or so in the Middle East and you haven’t learned to be a proper woman, I’d say you’re either very dense or very dependent or both.
2. To be a Fiipino and learn to appreciate my country and my countrymen. Living away from home made me realize what I love most about the Philippines and what I admire most of about Filipinos –resiliency, resourcefulness and positivity. The best traits of a fighter.
Of course when you love someone its like you're seeing them for the first time and you also find the worst in the them, but the good thing is you now have that desire to make it better, by avoiding the same pitfalls.
I was just talking to a French friend the other night and here’s what she had to say – that she found her Filipino workmates very easy to get along with, always happy and smiling, they work hard, but the only bad trait is that they chit-chat too much. Chizmiz, the buzz, you tell them one thing and the next minute everyone will know. Its really sad, but its something we can’t deny.
Chismis (gossip) is our ultimate downfall. Pinoys like to talk, and when they do they talk about other people, I am guilty of this sometimes, but I am proud to say that have successfully managed to control this thanks to the help good friends who feed my thirst for sensible and enlightening conversations . So please the next time you’re with someone you just met, pinoy or otherwise, please try to think of something else to say other than “may boyfriend ka na?” or “when was your last relationship?”. Really its lame.
3. To Love more and judge less. Love is the simple solution to most things, but unfortunately because we are vain and blinded by self-love we do not see that we are all connected, we are different but we are the same. I’ve met so many different nationalities, so many different, annoying quirks and the trick is just to find the thing that makes them tick and from there build your understanding of them. I am hardly ever the best in this, I am still judgemental in a lot of ways (I blame it on being Pinoy) , but the thing is now, I try harder.
4. To believe in music more so than I ever did before. Its true, music is the language that connects us all. Its my lifeblood. it fuels me, it defines me and I am better person today because of it. It has helped me relate to others better. Truth be told, I would not have survived Dubai if not for my Ipod. When there’s nothing else, find your song and play it loud.
5. To find God. I found that in your darkest days, when there’s really no one else, when there’s nothing or no one to hang on to, not even yourself, He is there and whatever happens happens for a reason. I found that life is only meaningless if you think that everything happens at random, If you don’t look up to something bigger than yourself.
Now Religion is something else, people make it complicated, to a point where you only see their politics but not the Truth. I have found that my devotion should not be ruled by what these people have got to say. My relationship with God is my own and as long as I have faith, let the self-righteous be damned.
Also, that i may not like the Church or the congregation so much, but I like being Catholic. Its good to know that I made that choice for myself and not by anybody else.
6. Lastly, I learned to appreciate and respect myself more. I learned my worth as a person and that I don’t need to settle for loose change from people. You teach people how to treat you, so you don’t let them get away with treating you like crap. Anywhich way, I say, Whatever, I am fabulous and its their loss, bwahahaha
So there you go 2 years and counting. Pretty heavy stuff, I doubt if I’d have come face to face with all this things if I didn’t leave the comfort zone. If you managed to get this far, thanks for reading. I highly-recommend jumping off the cliff to the unknown. Its not safe but hey - You live, You learn.
