Homeland Security and My Alternate Life

I don’t think I ever told anybody this story.

Sometime towards the tail end of 2008, I was getting restless and well, bored , when I stumbled upon a “work abroad” site that had an opening for a “copywriter” to be based in the UAE.

Moving to an Arab country, at that time, to me, sounded absurd and dangerous yet strangely appealing.  Dubai, of course was being hyped as this city of big easy money, extreme luxury, and endless job openings. Still our people had their doubts about Dubai and it wasn’t exactly what one would consider “cool”.

Anyway, I clicked on the link and soon enough I found myself walking into one of them old recruitment agencies in Manila, the type that are always packed with applicants, with wooden floors that creaked and rooms that smelled like old forgotten cigarettes.

I looked around, most of the people were either out of jobs or in this quest for their dream to “work abroad” and provide for their families.  The first thought in my head was guilt. There I was, young, single with a stable career in what many would actually consider a dream job, I really shouldn't be there. It didn’t seem right to hoard opportunities, at least that how I felt initially and then I reminded myself that the Philippines is a democratic-equal opportunity- country and I was after a specific copywriter job that, given this dingy hole in the wall, I’m pretty sure not many copywriters worth their salt would consider. I would say there wasn’t exactly competition.

So we waited, for like a half day, for the so-called “Principal”, the much revered foreign recruiter who flew all the way to do a 3-minute interview with each of us lucky participants of the job lottery.

I was expecting some Arab guy to meet me, but when I was finally called into the interrogation room, I was surprised to find an Indian Lady. She handed me her card. I did a mental note to research this company online.  She told me she belonged to a group of companies that had a growing ad agency in the Middle East, and that they were looking a copywriter.  Predictably, it ended with “we will get in touch with you.”

I thought that was the end of it. I was somehow relieved that it didn’t go the next level, because the truth is, I wasn’t really ready to rock the boat just yet.  Then it happened, I got the call that said I passed the first round and that they will be needing me to fill out a “copy test ”.

This is where it becomes interesting.  So I got the copy test on email, and the test was to come up with a Press Release for ….well, of all things.... an upcoming HOMELAND SECURITY expo.



The reference material was for something like this.



See, I did have some experience writing Press releases for expos because in my first ever job I was writing a lot of them for the annual Travel Tour Expo, but Homeland Security -  in the Middle East -  is maybe something that is not up my alley.  I looked at the reference material, and it was indeed a brochure intended for just about any country’s Department of Defense or your regular terrorist-next-door guy, depending on how you look at it.

Despite my apprehension, I did honestly think about what to write for the next couple of days.  I tried to imagine the audience for the PR, images of military men, the secret service, arab leaders, war and terrorist attacks slowly trickled in and I finally decided that staying for the next Twilight soundtrack launch and writing radio scripts for Josh Groban might just be for the best.

I don’t recall telling anybody (especially my parents) the story, because it just seemed like the kind of thing that you keep to yourself. I eventually managed to land a job in Dubai, but nothing as deeply unsettling  and as undeniably interesting as that first overseas job offer.

I was a sheltered little girl who believed in peace and in a perfect world of pop records and movie franchises. Maybe if I knew then what I know now,  I would have grabbed the opportunity. I guess today I’ll have to be content in thinking that somewhere in a parallel universe, I am receiving Homeland security brochures, working on press kits for the latest military tech, sending out invites to some rocket launch and handling inquiries from the CIA…..

Ok, I know, I should probably stop watching Homeland.



Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?



 

Ps. I am not able to access my old yahoo account (where the copy test has been sent) for over a year now. Suffice to say, the said email account has been “compromised.”

Talk is Not Cheap

Growing up a wallflower, I know how awkwardly difficult it can be sometimes to strike up conversation with someone, most especially someone famous. The pressure is even higher if you are a writer or a journalist with a time limit.

Having worked in PR, then at a major Record label, and done some freelance writing for magazines, I would say I’ve pretty much had my share of artist interviews, exclusive press cons, and eavesdropped on enough 5-minute “phoners” to be able tell the good ones, from the decent, to the utter fails.

So I thought I’d share some tips I’ve picked up from my life backstage that might come in handy for both pros and non-pros. In case you ever find yourself in that tight spot or in that surreal defining–stuck in an elevator- moment with say Anne Hathaway or Brad Pitt, or in my case Dave Grohl or Johnny Depp,  DO NOT PANIC and try remember these few things –

How to talk to Artists / Celebrities :

William: "What do you like about music?"
 Russell : "To begin with, everything."

Put them – and yourself – at ease.  Breathe, smile, say Hi and exchange pleasantries like you would with an old friend you haven’t seen or talked to in a while. Make them comfortable and more importantly make yourself comfortable. Let them tell you about their day then tell them a little bit about yours. Assume that they are just as interested with you as you are with them (ok, they aren’t, but it's helpful to have a little bit confidence). Level with them, don’t play small, but don’t act tall either.  Limit the compliments and try not to gush like a school girl, just establish a comfort zone and pick up the pace from there. 

Be prepared, but not too much. Pack up enough ammunition, but don’t fire bullets. Let the conversation run its course. Shotgun interviews are usually the ones that end up awkward and messy. (This works out pretty well on first dates too.)

Be Relevant. If you are talking to Steven Spielberg, and he’s just out with a new movie, then its probably best not to ask him about working with a young Drew Barrymore in ET, or I’d say you would be better off not asking Thom Yorke about the song Creep, coz it reminds you of your crush in high school. In other words,  be relevant to your subject, because being relevant proves two things :  one –that you have a fairly good idea of what you’re talking about, and two – that you care enough about the artist to know what would interest him. These are pretty much basic conversation skills. Conversation is always a 2-way street.

Be Original (and try not to ask stupid questions). Understand that these people, celebs as they are, do this for a living, so it would be best to stay away from the obvious cliché questions that they’ve been asked 10,000 times before. In other words, unless you are a Japanese fan girl in Japan talking to Weezer, do not  dare ask questions like “where did you get the name of your band?”  You will probably get an answer but it won’t help your reputation (or your article). And if you absolutely must ask a stupid question, make it sound so stupid, that it is almost memorable.

 Observe. Sometimes the most important part of the conversation doesn’t involve words. Look out for the signals, the gestures, the slight facial expressions, if they are making eye contact with their managers to pull the plug. Sometimes the story is in the pause of the sentence, or that snicker after hearing another name mentioned. Plus when a subject go by one-liners and doesn’t  want to talk too much (and there are always a couple those) observing them would be very useful if you had to write 3000+words article.

Wrap it up nicely. I noticed this is a-must especially if you’re on a live interview. You can play around with the in-betweens, but there are only really 2 things you have to be ready for, the first question and the last question. Let them leave a good word, if possible hold their hand and lead them to that smart quote. Don’t, for the love of God or your fellow human beings, ever, ever ask them to invite (beg) their fans to watch the show or the movie.  They only do this in the Philippines – in the 80s. If you’re a host or a DJ on air, I believe that should be your job. If you don’t believe me, watch the late night show with David Letterman and take notes.

How NOT to talk to Celebrities :